The Niall Boylan Podcast (They Told Me To Shut Up)

00:05 Well, hi, and I'm Niall Boylan. 00:07 And I'm Karen Boylan. 00:08 And welcome along to Don't Call Me Darling. Well, she does call me darling on a regular basis, but that's okay. There's a reason for that. We'll explain that again later if you haven't listened to the first episode. 00:17 The Boylans are at it again, hey? 00:19 Yeah. Speaking of the first episode, by the way, we mentioned last week this story. Now, we shouldn't really make fun of it, but we are going to make fun of it to some degree, right? This is the lad that was nearly sucked out of the plane in Ryanair, okay? So what happened was the engine went pear-shaped. I don't know, bird or something went into the engine. Bit of the engine, flew off, hit the window. This poor fella, where was he from? Algeria? No? Serbia. 00:42 I think he was from Serbia. 00:43 Serbia, okay. And they were on holidays in Greece, him and his missus. Allegedly, they're worth a few quid, although I find that hard to believe when you read the rest of the story. But anyway, he got kind of sucked. Poor chap got sucked out the window, right? Now, what kind of blew my mind about this is, allegedly, he's worth money. Has his own company. 01:00 Well, we don't know that for sure, though. 01:01 Well, it said it in the Daily Mail. I know. So it must be true. So it must be true. 01:04 Yeah. 01:05 Right, okay. So, but yet, they were too mean to buy seats together. She bought a seat like three rows back from him. 01:12 Can you imagine if that was us now when we're going in our holly bags? Yeah. That just wouldn't happen. Yeah. Like, you're not going to have that, you're not. 01:17 No, but here's what I wanted to come to, right? Leaving aside the poor chap with his head out the window, although earlier on we were chatting about this, and I said to you, he passed it, and you said, how do you know? And I said, well, look, if your head is out the window, if your head is out the window... 01:33 And I basically had a great laugh at my expense earlier on because I said, what did I say? Do you think he passed out? Of course he passed out, Karen. You know, at 500 miles an hour, sticking his head out the window. 01:42 At 15,000 feet, I think I'd pass out. So he doesn't remember very much of it anyway, not surprisingly. But here's the thing. This whole thing, right, with Ryanair, and they're not the only ones. I'm not going to blame Ryanair. Just Erlingus do it as well, by the way. Erlingus are not much different to Ryanair. 01:56 This is ridiculous. annoying. 01:57 Yeah, so you go online and you see, you know, only 300 quid and you're doubling to New York and you think, oh great, and then you book your flight and you see Yeah, I'll have that. Yeah, I'll have that. And you see a price then that's kind of, you know, one way a return, right? And it's like 200 quid for the, you know, the easy saver on the way over and 200 quid on the way back is 400 quid. 02:14 So three clicks later you're up to 500 quid. 02:17 Yeah, and then all of a sudden then in comes, right, then you've got tax on top of that. And then they ask you would you like a seat? 02:24 And then your bags. Now, years ago, when you bought a flight, you brought your bag with your suitcase with you, and you automatically just got your seat, whatever was available. You get two seats together. Now they charge you for the seat, which is like 50 quid a seat or 40 quid a seat, whatever it is. 02:39 You know what I don't like, though? It was something we were discussing earlier on about this. I don't like the idea that you can't actually sit beside your partner without having to pay. You have to pay. 02:49 And then not only that, you have to pay if you want to bring a bag with you as well. If it's not, you know, a carry-on bag. And you even have to pay for that, I think, in some airlines. So you have to pay for your suitcase. So what do they think you're going to do? 03:01 It should be illegal to advertise this. I mean, what are you going to stand on the plane? With no clothes or something like that? 03:07 It might suit a day trip or maybe someone who's going from the office maybe from Dublin to Brussels or something like that, you know. Maybe they've two homes. And where are they going to sit? 03:14 They have to pay for a seat. But you know what it'll be like? 03:17 But they're not going to let you fly standing up. 03:20 No, but you know what it'd be like. 03:21 Unless they strap you against the wall like one of those roller coasters. 03:25 Do you remember the helter-skelter thing that goes around? 03:28 Yeah, it's strapped to the wall. But here's the thing. It'd be like a restaurant saying, steak dinner, only £10. And you and your missus go and think, this is great, steak dinner only £10. And then you sit down at the table. First of all, would you like to sit? Oh, sorry, that's extra, right? But you don't get cutlery with it. I was just going to say, what, you'd like a plate and a knife and fork? It's an extra £5 for the plate and £4 for the knife and fork. I mean, that wouldn't happen. 03:52 So why are airlines allowed to do this? No idea, but I think it definitely has to change. I mean, I think people have a pain with it now at this stage. 04:01 We get people texting all the time about issues like this. It's incredible the amount of people that are really upset about these things. 04:08 And Ryanair, people give out about Ryanair, but look, you get what you pay for, I suppose, with Ryanair. 04:12 They are experts, though, at the marketing, though. 04:15 Oh, yeah. Michael Leary is great, you know. He even said he was going to have porn available at one stage. Ah, he put out some mad stories. Years ago, he said he was going to get rid of the toilet so he could fit an extra six seats in, right, or something ridiculous. 04:29 I've been to the toilet and I don't think you get sick seats in there. 04:36 He's not going to do these things, but he says them just to get publicity. He also said that he was going to have screens on the back of the seats showing pay-per-view porn if you wanted to watch it. 04:44 Could you imagine a load of people masturbating on the floor? 04:47 On the flight on the way over to London. I'm just saying, like, why would you put porn on the flights? 04:54 But what about the kids? That's what I'd be thinking about. 04:58 Think about the kids. And the other thing as well is, right, that I've often wondered, why do they have an obscure glass window in the toilet? So there's a window in the toilet, right? But it's made out of obscure glass, right? Have they? Yeah. 05:12 I've never noticed. 05:13 Yeah, there was a window in the Jacks I was in recently. On an airplane? Yeah, there was a window. 05:17 You're having a laugh. 05:17 Yeah, yeah. 05:18 Jeez, I've never noticed that. 05:19 But there's an obscure, they use obscure glass. Like, you know, you're like using your bathroom in your house. 05:24 So someone's going to be piking in it. Yeah. 20,000 feet. 05:28 I was going to say, it'd be the most determined pervert in the world. 05:31 Oh, jeez. 05:32 Oh, my God. We'd be staring at a glue to the side of the plane. Probably this poor lad that got pulled out, sucked out of the plane. He's there looking in the window at you having a shite. 05:40 That's serious stuff. I mean, you'd be traumatised for life. Let's be honest about it. 05:44 Yeah, no, he's not. Look, the poor chap. I mean, I understand. But look, he'll get a few quid out of this. 05:51 I'd like to think he would. 05:53 He will. I mean, look, and thankfully he's okay. He spent a couple of weeks in hospital. I think he's home now. And he said he doesn't want to fly again. Not surprising. 06:00 And what a wonderful wife he has. I mean, his poor wife was sitting three rows behind him. I think that's where you started off with this. Yeah, he leapt. Because we're actually wondering... If you assume that this guy has a few bob, why didn't he pay the extra 30 quid so they could sit together? But it may not have occurred like that at the time, you know. But fair play to her. She was sitting beside, behind him, three rows. And she leapt up. Thank God she was awake and could see him because he apparently fell asleep and he was prone to falling asleep. 06:28 Is he narcolepsy or something? No, I don't think it's that. I think there's so many nervous passengers out there. 06:33 I was going to say, because you're a bit narcoleptic in South Wales. 06:35 Well, I don't know. Maybe that's because I work too hard. 06:40 You have no idea. I'd be chatting to Karen and watching telly. My guilty pleasure is Coronation Street, by the way. And we'd be watching the television. And next minute you look at her and I said, I can't believe that he's just done that. And you look at Karen and she's out cold. And she'd go, what? Done what? Can you rewind it, please? And I end up having to go out for a smoke while we rewind it back to where Karen has missed it. 07:00 I know, but I can't tell. 07:02 But then I come back in again after having the smoke, leaving you to see the five minutes that you've missed. 07:06 And you're asleep again. And now you'll be literally saying, Karen, just jizz yourself up there. 07:10 Give yourself a shake. I'll go in and get her a drink and something to eat. That'll keep her awake. Anyway, yeah. So, yeah, unfortunately, this poor chap, look, he will get a few quid compensation, I imagine. 07:21 I'd like to think so. But listen, moving on, I have something. I have a question to ask you. Is it time for phone-free spaces? Now, my answer is a big fat yes. Like, we're talking... dates cinemas or any place where you're in a meeting environment settling down for the evening with your partner to watch a movie or a TV show then you've got these ringers going off these vibrations going off no exceptions at all you know I really think it is time for phone free spaces especially when it's 07:50 Restaurants, cinemas. 07:53 I won't say airlines because they can be boring and you need something to look at. Okay. But restaurants, certainly restaurants, cinemas, they should be banned. Now, I know Movie X, they used to be called View years ago and something else. But they did a thing. And I think for legal reasons, they were stopped from doing it. I don't know. Maybe somebody clarified. 08:11 I don't remember that. 08:11 Yeah, but they did this thing where they blocked the signal. Oh. Yeah, you can get a thing. It's called a signal blocker. 08:18 You don't say. Yeah. 08:20 This thing, right? It's like a box. And you put it in like Wi-Fi. And it blocks 3G. At the time it was 3G. Now we have 5G. But it blocks the signal. 08:30 So people can't get calls. But then people start whining and saying... I'm out of the cinema with my husband and that, what happens if I need to contact the babysitter or, you know, and all this kind of thing. I'm going, what did you do before you had phones? 08:40 I know. A beggar's belief sometimes, isn't it? 08:43 Yeah, why would you need to contact the babysitter? Is he alive? Yeah, he's still alive. Great. 08:48 Marvellous. 08:49 I mean, what did people do before we had phones? We didn't die. We still went out. 08:53 I'll tell you what we had to do. And this was the case in everything. We had to communicate better. And we had to communicate more. 09:01 And, you know, I think that that's the secret to a good relationship, by the way. 09:04 Yeah, yeah. There's nothing worse than seeing a couple in a restaurant, in a nice restaurant, paying good money. 09:10 And the husband and the wife are just, you just know they want to be anywhere but with each other. That's horrendous to witness, actually. 09:18 And the two of them are staring. We were out there recently for dinner and there was a family and there was a husband, wife and two kids. 09:24 Oh, this was incredible. 09:25 And all four of them staring into their phones. 09:28 I know. I know. But there was another couple. Oh, I remember them. I misunderstood you there. I thought you were going to talk about the other couple. Oh, I remember the one you talked about. We saw this fantastic couple. They had a family of about four or five kids with them and a newborn baby. And everyone just was fabulous together. That was when we were away. And we actually complimented them. That's right. Yeah, they were just a lovely family. Yeah, they were. So nice to see. 09:49 And the young daughter, the father was feeding the baby, and then the young daughter came over, who was only about 13, and said, I'll take the baby. 09:55 Yeah, she came over of her own volition and said to her dad, you know, here, I'll take baby now, you know, to give mum and dad a break. And she was only about 13 or whatever. Oh, yeah. 10:03 It's pretty kids aren't like that anymore. I know, I know. They're also bleeding selfish nowadays. 10:06 Well, here's one for you, okay? Okay, you and I are married, of course, but would you marry someone at first sight? Like, in my case with you, yes. But that's because I just knew. So, as I said on last week's show, With Age Comes Wisdom, or at least it should, okay? So, obviously, you don't want to be silly about it, and some people are. They have their rose-tinted glasses on, and they're hopeless romantics and think every relationship is like a Mills and Boone episode, but... Is it not? Well, no, but I mean, depending on the age and experience and finances, of course. 10:36 But it should be. Every relationship should be mills and boonish to some degree. 10:39 Yeah, but some people, they just actually dive right in there, you know. 10:44 But that's okay, too. If you really love somebody, that's okay, too. But there's nothing worse than seeing relationships. 10:49 And I know there are women, possibly men, more so women, listening to this right now. And they could be 20 years married, maybe, right? 10:57 Do you reckon they're bored out of their heads? 11:00 Yeah, and I'm not saying they despise their partners. That'd be wrong, right? But they're just like mates. 11:04 You have to take some personal responsibility too. Okay, they might be bored with their partner, but I mean, they could be bored with themselves as well. I mean, make an effort. Get up and try and maybe... Chees yourself up a little bit. Chees yourself up, yeah. 11:16 Sexy underwear. 11:18 Okay, here's my sexy underwear again. 11:20 No, I'm just saying, like, just get some sexy underwear. Like, that's not the answer to everything, is it? 11:24 No, no. I'm talking about, you know, if someone is bored, I mean, there's plenty of things to do out there, you know? 11:29 Yeah, no, it's not. I understand what you're saying, but it's not just bored. 11:33 It might not be the husband's fault. It might not be the wife's fault, you know? But I think, in general, there's definitely a lack of commitment these days. Now, listen, if I'm wrong, I'm open to... See, what I'm talking about is the ones... 11:47 I think I told you before about this maid of mine, right? And he rang me one day and I'm chatting away to him. I said, where are you now? And he said, oh, just on the M50 on the way home to her. I went, oh, okay. Now, if you were talking about your wife like that, that it's an inconvenience to be with her, or you'd rather be anywhere else apart from with her, 12:04 I don't find... Well, then you shouldn't be married to her. I better not find you an inconvenience now because I'm with you 24-7. 12:10 No, I look forward... Like, when I'm driving home, if I'm... Mind you, we're nearly always together anyway. 12:15 But if I'm anywhere at home... We actually do genuinely get on great together. 12:19 Yeah, I'm looking forward to getting home. I can't wait to get home. But I just don't understand the logic. 12:24 So the point I'm making is there's people out there listening to this right now. And there may be 20 years married. Men and women. Primarily, probably women, I would imagine, listening, right? 12:31 Mm-hmm. 12:32 And they're saying to themselves, yeah, that's me. Yeah. Yeah, look, he's lovely. He's a nice guy. You know, he works hard. But I don't really, I'm not into him anymore. But I'm with him because we've got two kids. And sure, that's life. Isn't that the way marriage goes? That's not really the way marriage goes. No. It should be more exciting. 12:48 Well, very much so. Of course it should. We have a very exciting marriage. Oh, we do, yeah. Like, we literally have a crazy exciting marriage. 12:55 Yeah, work together, play together. 12:58 Yeah. 12:58 We do a lot of playing. 12:59 The playing is fun. The working is fun. The playing is also equally fun. 13:02 We even started playing golf recently. 13:04 I didn't know what you were going to say. I didn't know what you were going to say there. We even started watching. 13:09 Actually, it was about two Sundays ago we went golfing and I wouldn't know how to play golf to save my life. 13:15 In fairness, it was a driving range. But I didn't do too bad. 13:19 You did really well. 13:20 Yeah. 13:20 I think the whole idea is that if you can set up the tee right, you know, the little ball and the little gadget and then give it a wallop. Yeah. 13:27 Yeah, but you know, I told you the secret. That's what I'm saying. That's the secret. So you pretend the ball is like your boss or somebody you don't like or don't particularly like and you whack the shite out of it. I think that's why I was doing so well. I had a good few people on that list of people I wanted to whack with a golf club. 13:43 I think you were getting a great laugh at my expense as well because I kept missing it. 13:48 Hitting the ground. 13:49 You did change the gadget, the stick, you know. I don't even know what you call it. The gadget. No, but one of them had like really narrow bits on the end. The other one had a big, big thick gadget. 13:59 Yeah, one was a wood and one was a chipper. 14:01 Right, okay. Well, you see, I don't know. 14:02 Well, they're not really woods anymore. They're kind of made of platinum or something. 14:06 Not platinum. Speaking of chippers, okay. You actually asked me to remind you about this shirtless guy in the chipper. Oh, yeah. What a weirdo. This actually put Nile right off as dinner. Now, in fairness, if I witnessed a smelly shirtless geezer lounging around the local takeaway, I'd probably feel exactly the same. Yeah. 14:26 So I go into the chipper, right, to get a fish and chips and something for you and the baby. Look, we call her the baby. She's 16. Anyway, but we call it the baby. So, went in, and there's this one, a young one there, I say she's about 15, 14 or 15, with what looked like was probably her grandfather. Now, admittedly, the weather was good. It was nice and sunny. So, he's in a pair of shorts, flip-flops, no short on him, A gold brace or necklace around his neck. A grey hairy chest. Yeah, grey hairy chest. 14:57 Completely like he was out of shape. Don't get me wrong, if this week's shape was a bag of bidets, he would have fitted right in. So he was completely out of shape. His belly hanging out. I'm going, you're in a chipper. Was he stinky? Yeah, he was sweaty looking. 15:11 Oh no. And he was stinky looking. 15:12 That reminds me of a soapy smell that drives me insane. Now, now I'm going to tell you, this is the God's honest truth. I can't stand that soapy smell, you know. Do you ever meet up with a friend, right, and they embrace you? Now, there's one particular person that I'm thinking of right now, okay? And he's just, he wears far too much aftershave. 15:33 It's called a Northsider shower. 15:34 Well, this is I think that was very, very unfair. It is. Because I never thought of that, you know, is he trying to cover up some B.O. or yucky something like that? 15:42 That's what they call it. They call it a Northside or a shower. In other words, you just lash a load of aftershave on you. 15:47 He's a lovely, lovely guy. But as soon as he comes over to embrace you and you're very happy to see each other because he's a really nice guy. But it's lurking. It's literally lingering on my outfit for about three years. 15:58 And I can smell it for days off you. 16:00 And I'm out with my Britney Spears literally seconds after he walks away. I'm spraying the life out of myself to try and, you know, I mean, get yourself a good antiperspirant, you know, and a nice, fancy. Now have a shower. 16:12 Have a shower is probably the key to it. But you see, Karen keeps going on about this. Since the day and hour I've met her, she keeps saying there's a smell I don't like and it's a soapy smell. And I still to this day have no idea what she's talking about. It's a soapy, a smell of soap. 16:28 I get it occasionally and it's just one of those smells that drives you nuts. Do you ever go into a place and you kind of say, oh God, I remember that smell from when I was a kid. Oh, beach balls. Yeah, exactly. I love the smell of beach balls. 16:40 Reminds me of when I used to be with my da and we'd go into the Esso garage and if you bought 20 quids worth of petrol you got a free beach ball. And I used to love when you opened the packets and The smell. Or new school books. You know when you got your new school books? Oh yeah, that was lovely. And you'd flick out the pages. 16:53 You'd literally sand them out in front of you, yeah, to get that lovely new inky smell off it, yeah. So, you know. 16:58 Yeah. There was also, when we were in Kentucky Fried Chicken, we started talking about, do you know the Ghanian pallbearers? These are the guys, do you remember the music? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do So we watched a few of those videos and we kind of laughed at them and said, and I would say to Karen Jays, that'd be deadly, wouldn't it? A deadly way to go. Now, what we need to talk about here is... No, we're not talking about going that way. 17:24 No. It's not happening. 17:26 What we need to talk about is every married couple needs to discuss. This is a bit, this is a bit morbid, right? What happens when you kick the bucket, right? 17:35 Well, I mean, listen, we've already decided what we want and what we don't want. I think it's actually on national record at this stage. 17:42 Yeah. I mean, do you want to be buried? Do you want to be cremated? Fired out of a cannon in Benidorm or something like that? 17:47 I don't want to be put in a box at all. 17:49 Yeah. 17:49 No. 17:50 Fired out of a cannon? 17:51 Straight into that... Urn? Yeah. 17:53 No, you told me you didn't want me in an urn. 17:56 No, straight into the crematorium and put me in a bag and then you can shove me in Cocoa Beach. I'd be grand. 18:01 In a bag. Like a Dunn store's bag. 18:04 You brought me out there in Cocoa Beach. 18:05 But while I put you in, do you not want to be on a mantelpiece? 18:08 No, I don't want to be on a mantelpiece. No thanks, darling. 18:11 Yeah, I don't particularly want to be on a mantelpiece. So we both decided we need to be in Cocoa Beach, right? Because that's one of our favourite places to go on holidays, right? 18:18 We love that. 18:18 Yeah, it's in Florida, for those who don't know. So, you need to decide with your other half Don't be putting off this conversation, even if you're young, because you never know the time and day and hour that you're going to go, right? 18:30 Yeah. 18:31 And then you're sitting there going, Jesus, I wonder would you like to be buried? And she's there, dead, thinking to herself, why would you do this to me? 18:38 We all think we've loads of time, you know, but time is the precious gift, the most precious gift of all. I've always said it. It really is. And it's one of those things. 18:46 But it brings me to Irish funerals. Now, can I just say, I know people think we do funerals great, you know what I mean? Because we have sandwiches and we have a drink and it turns into a drinking session. And if somebody opens a bottle of whiskey and everybody's pissed, right? So an Irish wake, you know, it's not just an occasion to celebrate somebody's passing, but an occasion as well for everybody to get hammered. But I think Irish funerals are funny. And I remember... 19:09 I haven't been to many, thank God. 19:11 But they are funny because people do the open casket thing, right? 19:15 Right. 19:16 It's a bit weird, isn't it? 19:17 I don't like that because I had a bad experience. 19:20 I know, I know, I know. But here's the thing, right? 19:22 I accidentally walked into Massey's on the pool and roll. Jesus, Massey's. And I thought that the body was, I just thought reception was in front of you. And of course, I don't know what happened, but there was a door to the left, a door to the right. Did it fart? No, it didn't. 19:34 No, I'm just saying, because they do, no, I don't want to be mean, but they do fart. 19:38 That's a thing they do. Anyway. Listen, come here to me. Irish. Irish. The right, okay? Yeah. And I nearly, literally, I said, oh my God. And I was only about 12, so it was a huge fright. Right. It really was, you know. 19:50 Is that nice to see a body when you're a kid? But look. 19:53 There's nothing to be afraid of. 19:55 On a lighter note, see, Irish, I went to, you know, one of these kind of open caskets. And by the way, if anyone's died or listened to someone died, I don't want to offend you or anything like that. But I couldn't care less. So I went anyway. 20:05 Niall. 20:05 And there was a parent, I'm just saying. That's fine. really rude it's not rude I spent my whole life trying to offend people but you're so bold okay you're very naughty anyway so I went to this thing right and it was an open casket in the house I won't be you know I don't want to be too specific because I don't want to upset the people in question it was quite some number of years ago And everybody was walking in, right? It was a woman. 20:28 And God love her, she had died from a very bad, tragic illness over the course of a time. So I hadn't seen her in years. 20:34 That's very sad. 20:34 I hadn't seen her in years. But the woman in the coffin looked nothing like the person I remembered because she'd lost so much weight and all that. Anyway, so people were walking in, right? The older people, right? And they were paying their respects and queuing around the coffin. 20:46 I think I know what's coming next. 20:47 And it was like, ah, doesn't she look low? She looks so happy. 20:51 And I go, she's dead. She's dead. 20:54 And here's what it says. I've never seen her looking better. And I go, what an insult. I mean, the poor woman is dead. She looks... 21:03 Here, do you remember? 21:04 Gaunt and palin. 21:06 Do you know, this is an awful thing to say, right? And I actually don't know whether I should even say this. 21:11 I just say it for God's sake. Get it out of your system. 21:13 Once I open my mouth and if I don't say it now I'll just go mad. So I think there was an incident with a hearse going up somewhere in Whitehall direction. Oh yeah. And I think the back door opened. Opened and it fell out onto the road. It fell out. I mean, holy God. Can I imagine that? 21:30 Holy, it's been firing in. Holy God. Holy God. 21:33 I mean, what would you do if you were to say? 21:36 I know the funniest. 21:37 Oh my God. 21:38 The funniest thing I've ever seen was an ambulance pulling away. 21:41 Oh, stop. 21:42 And the poor lad, he had been knocked down. 21:43 Oh no, no, that's not funny. 21:46 I know it's not funny, but it was funny at the time, right? He was knocked down. 21:50 I'm not laughing. 21:51 They put him on the gurney. Is that what they call it? The gurney. Yeah, the gurney, yeah. And you know that they push it in and the wheels fold up. And they put it in, and they were all in a hurry, in a panic, and the driver jumped in, and so somebody jumped into the back of the ambulance with him. 22:04 And next week, the ambulance pulls away, doors open, and it flies out the back, back down onto the road again. 22:07 No way. 22:08 Now, thankfully, it landed on its wheels. They kind of sprung open. 22:11 Oh, my God. 22:12 And it landed back down on its wheels. Poor lad. It's hilarious. 22:16 Listen, you're making me laugh, because you're actually breaking your heart laughing at the moment. 22:19 So back to Irish funerals, anyway. Doesn't she look at peace? I've never seen her looking better, right? And I was going to say the owner of the woman. Her husband is standing there, right? And he's going, yeah, she does. 22:31 But I think I love that about being Irish. That's one of the things I love about being Irish. It's the isms that we have. It's the Dublinese. It's the little sayings that we have from Cork. 22:41 But here's the funniest one, right? The funniest one was. 22:44 I love all those sort of isms. 22:46 My mother used to do this as well, right? The funniest thing, right, was... Like people would say, geez, how did she die? Like, oh, cancer. Or the big, I know in Ireland they go, the big C. She died of a Tuesday. He died of a Tuesday. No, the big C, right? So, and then somebody turns around, this is in the room, right? Somebody turns around and says, I was only talking to her last Tuesday. 23:07 Right? 23:07 and I'm going but she was hardly going to tell you listen I'm thinking of dying next Thursday any chance you might pop round what is it about Irish people I did a couple of things like that recently and you broke your heart laughing now even one today when we were in KFC I remember and you actually broke your heart laughing I'm not going to tell everybody what it was what was it I'm not telling you okay go on but come here we better move on because I have a story but hang on I have one more thing just to say in relation to the funerals right okay the feather What's that? 23:37 Oh, the feather on the horse? No. No? 23:39 No. So they're going into the ground at a funeral, right? So they're burying. 23:43 I don't know this. 23:44 No, hang on. And then a feather falls from the sky, right? And somebody always goes, ah, there she is now. 23:51 It must be a sign. 23:51 It must be a sign. And I go, no, it's a feather. And people, somebody said to me, but isn't that really unusual, a feather fall off? And I said, no, because birds fly in the sky. So if their feathers fall off... 24:02 obviously got to fall from the sky honest to god you're gas you're absolutely gas oh there's a crisp packet she loved crisps and i wouldn't mind they were king you know king crisps yeah like it could have been tato but it was right i have a story to tell you okay so i'm gonna read it out to you all right okay dear nile and karen dear nile and karen do they do they say that They actually did. They did indeed. 24:47 Wow. 25:13 Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my husband to bits. 25:16 Clearly that enough. 25:17 But the change has hit me like a ton of bricks. 25:21 Get over yourself, love. 25:21 We always made time for each other. Maybe one or two times a month we would treat ourselves to a nice meal out and the odd movie too. But it's like I feel that whenever I want to use the bathroom, watch a certain programme on TV or even nip down to the shops, it's almost like I have to provide him with a running commentary. And he's doing my head in and I'm at my wits end. As much as I love him, I can't see us together for much longer and I'm already thinking about life. What a horrible woman. But waiting to hear this, I'm already thinking about life without him when I'm in bed at night. 25:53 Am I being a selfish see you and see you next Tuesday? Yeah, you are. 25:57 Yeah, she is. 25:58 Say the word. No, don't. I will not. I will not. Am I stuck in my ways? Should he move out of my way instead? I feel I'm going to blow. I want out until I feel bad and think maybe I can do this with him. Jesus Christ. So we're just so detached and I didn't realise just how detached we were until he retired. Help. 26:19 What? That's dreadful. 26:21 That's all. She shouldn't be with him at all. 26:24 I actually nearly died. 26:25 If I was that husband and I heard that email and I thought it was her, I'd kick her out. I mean, what a terrible way to talk about your husband. What a selfish cow. 26:32 So she wants it all to herself. I mean, I wrecked my head trying to come up with some sort of a response for this lady, okay? 26:41 And if she's listening, I just don't think I have one for you. I'm sorry. 26:45 No, you're horrible. 26:46 I just think you're dreadful. 26:47 Yeah, you're horrible. Was she writing that hoping that she'd get sympathy off us or something? 26:52 Well, I mean, she said she's at her wit's end. He's driving her insane. 26:56 She's driving herself insane. 26:58 She knew about it for two years that the retirement was coming up. But I think it's because he's lurking around the house and he's literally interrupting her. Oh, God bless her. You know? 27:07 Oh, isn't that awful? She shouldn't be married to him. 27:09 Well, I'd be kind of looking at it as if, you know, aren't you a lucky lady? I mean, your husband's been out working for the last couple of years. 27:15 Yeah, now you can do more things together. You can have more sex. You can do all of those things. 27:18 Yeah. Oh, yeah, very much so. You can have a lot of fun. 27:21 A lot of sex. 27:22 Yeah. 27:23 And time for sex. 27:25 Yes, now. 27:26 I think we've got the message. 27:28 Yeah. You can have more adventurous sex. 27:32 You can actually re-establish a relationship because clearly I think there was a huge lack of communication there. Maybe she was, is that the word you use is plamosing, isn't it? 27:42 Yeah, yeah. 27:43 You know, plamosing him maybe for a bit. No. You know, but now that the time has gone. 27:47 I wish I knew who he was. I'd actually tell him what she said to us. That's a horrible way to treat her. 27:53 He's quite entitled to be in the house. Yeah. I mean, and that's the whole idea that you share your life together. I mean, he's quite entitled to watch the television. He's quite entitled to stay at home if he wants to stay at home. 28:03 I don't think we should paint this guy as, you know, a baddie at all. 28:06 No, he's not a baddie. She is. 28:08 Yeah. 28:08 She's the baddie. 28:09 Yeah. 28:10 Typical woman, isn't it? 28:11 Ah, that's not good. I'm only saying. 28:13 I'm only saying. You know, because she kind of wants it all her own way, doesn't she? 28:16 I've got the impression that she's been kind of wined and dined and maybe silver spooned throughout the entire relationship and hasn't pulled her right. 28:23 Like a kept woman. 28:24 Yeah, well, no, no, not so much. 28:26 Would you like to be a kept woman? 28:28 What does that mean though? 28:29 Like a woman that didn't have to work, that would spend her day. Work is good for you. You go to work, she goes for a walk with the dog in the morning, then she goes and does Pilates, gets her nails done, has lunch with her friend maybe in Malahide, you know what I mean? Comes home, does F all, watches the telly for a while, then her husband comes home. Okay, she might make dinner, you know what I mean? But generally, and then he just works and she spends it. Would you like to be a kept woman? 28:58 Well, I mean, no, I wouldn't. 28:59 I can't see you as being a kept woman. 29:01 I can't. 29:01 No, you wouldn't. 29:02 I don't think I'd ever fall under that category, to be honest with you. 29:05 No, you'd get bored. 29:06 Well, I'm always doing something and I have a tendency to outgrow things very quickly. So I haven't outgrown you after nearly 10 years. 29:12 I hope not. 29:13 No, I can't envisage that time ever happening, honey. No, no. You know, I love you too much. 29:17 Ah, stop it. Now, here's the thing as well. And when people are together a long time, they kind of become comfortable with each other right and something that came up on the show during the week which I thought was an interesting one and I know yous are all going to shudder when I say this right but people who leave the jack store open when they're together so pretend you've no kids you are joking no pretend you've no kids for a second right okay 29:42 Oh God. 29:43 And would you remember there was a call around during the week talking and she was astonished that I even thought this was a bad idea. Anyway. 29:49 Why on earth would you leave the Jack's door open if you're going to the loo? 29:53 Because allegedly you're comfortable with each other. That's okay. So she's in having a number two and then he comes in to brush his teeth and he's standing beside her while she's having a number two chatting to him. 30:04 Now, you know this isn't my cup of tea. I'm not going to have this conversation. I'm just saying. No way. No, it's fine. 30:10 No, I'm happy to say we agree. By the way, we agree. I wouldn't be... Like, that's your private moment. 30:16 Well, here, that reminds me of a house I saw for sale once many, many years ago. And you know the way you look through the gallery. 30:22 Oh, there was no doors on the jacks? 30:23 No, it was the beautiful main bedroom. 30:27 With an en suite. 30:27 Built as an en suite. But it had no door. No door. on the jacks it had a toilet it had the toilet the shower and a little small sink but it had absolutely no so what you're lying in bed maybe fiddling with your phone before you go to sleep and your wife's on the toilet having a shite and you can see her I thought you were going to say something else there. 30:48 Oh my God. 30:49 Oh, I need to get up my game here. But people do these things like, you know, the wife has a pee with her husband watching. 30:56 Well, why would you do that? 30:58 I don't know. That's what they do. It says here, okay, yeah. 31:03 Where did you read that? 31:05 And there's also things like, it says here, right, at the start of a relationship, you would have held a fart in for six hours. Ten years later, you're blaming it on the dog. 31:14 Niall, that's vulgar. 31:16 That's just awful. But I'm just saying this is what people think are comfortable. 31:19 People are comfortable with these things together. Mine wouldn't be. No, I would never fart in front of... Like, I've never farted intentionally. Now, sometimes one might slip out by accident if you were jogging or walking or if you say you get up suddenly or something. 31:32 I can't. I am literally... I'm moving my lips here at Niall in the studio and I'm saying, I cannot believe you're talking about this. Niall, please. That's disgusting. 31:41 Yeah, I'm just saying toenail clippings. That's another one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 31:46 Oh, that's revoking. 31:47 Or here. The husband walks around the bedroom in his old underwear saying, do you still fancy me? 31:56 His lad hanging out of his old stretched underwear. You know the way they get stretched. 32:01 Oh my God. 32:01 And his testicles will be hanging out. 32:03 I've got this image in my head of your man. Do you remember your man Stan? I think his name was out of the car years ago. Stan Ogden. 32:09 Oh yeah. In a string vest. 32:11 Yeah. And he wore this. And I think there was another one called Onslow in another program. 32:15 Onslow was in Mrs. Bouquet. 32:18 was it yeah yeah and I've just got this image now and I can't get it out of my head it's yucky but there are people who think we're weird now who think those two are odd but they you know you and I yeah because they leave doors open and pee in front of each other and it's not a big deal hang on let me just correct you here we do not do that we have never done that no I'm just saying no we're not going to start doing it no but there are people who think we're odd because we don't do that what do you mean after 10 years Oh, stop. 32:48 Because it's seemingly the thing to do if you're comfortable in a relationship. 32:51 No, no, no, no, no. 32:53 Leave the bathroom door open. 32:54 Absolutely not. Niall, stop making that sound. It's disgusting. It's awful. 33:00 I'm just saying, okay. 33:00 No, no, let's move along. I've actually got another listener dilemma which came in last week. Do you want me to read it to you? Would you like to hear it? 33:06 Yeah, I would. 33:07 It's a little bit more serious, okay? 33:10 I was just putting in the sound effects to save his money and time later adding in sound effects. 33:15 Okay, so we received a text last week from a lady. 33:19 And by the way, feel free to always text in or email us in. 33:23 Yeah, you can. You can email. 33:24 Niall or Karen at niallboyland.com Niall or Karen. 33:27 Yeah, it doesn't matter. Either one at niallboyland.com 33:31 So this is a very short text message and it literally cuts to the chase straight away. I am literally driving in my car after having an argument with my partner of 10 years. I'm 36 and he's 40. He told me every year he wants kids, just wanted to wait a little. I believed him and now it's hit me. He has been lying to me and he's refusing to have sex with me and is pretending to everyone he wants a kid. It feels so cruel and I resent him so much, but I feel trapped. 34:02 I don't want to share my name or details, but I'm devastated. 34:06 I thought you would be. 34:08 Now, this would be a very relatable dilemma to a lot of people, I think, because I don't think it's really about the children here. It's more about trust, you know, and honesty and whether someone has kind of maybe taken the other person's 34:21 dream i suppose and smash it or the other person's ability to make an informed choice we had an interesting one similar to that a while ago um on the show about a year ago on the show where a guy now i don't want you to think of this right he was with a girl and they got married they planned to have kids and she couldn't have children she didn't know that obviously yeah yeah and he said he wants to leave her 34:45 Oh, that's really, really nasty. 34:48 I couldn't. But you know what was astonishing? 34:50 I wouldn't think much of that chap. 34:51 You know what's astonishing? Most of the callers agreed with him and said, look, that's what he wants. 34:56 I can't. I must be one of the oddballs and out, you know. I mean, I don't paint this or frame this particular guy and this text as evil because, you know, or that he deliberately deceived her because it's a five sentence text. You know what I mean? She cut to the chase straight away. So we're only really hearing. So we don't know what discussions they had when they met. 35:14 Yeah, yeah. 35:14 But maybe he changed his mind, or maybe he's always... Well, if he changed his mind, he's a bollocks, right? 35:20 But if it was always something that he had said to her, listen, I don't ever fancy having kids, well, then she's being a bit of a bollocks. 35:26 Well, people are allowed to change their minds about having children. 35:28 Yeah, of course. Well, they are. Let's say, for argument's sake, the two of them met and said, look, neither of us want to have kids, and she changed her mind. Well, he has no obligation to change his mind. 35:38 Fair enough, but you don't want them to keep... 35:43 keep the partner in the dark, let's say, for years. I mean, at least have the courtesy to say, listen, I really want to have children with, you know, but now that I know that we can't or that I'm actually, I've changed my mind, you know, at least have some decency. 35:58 Well, if he's not having sex with her, he's probably having sex somewhere else anyway. 36:01 Yeah, but I mean, at 36, a lot of women might feel under pressure at that stage if they haven't started a family. Maybe they feel the time's against them. 36:08 Well, 36 time is against you. 36:10 Yeah. 36:10 The biological clock is ticking away. 36:12 The fertility declines with that age. And then, you know, I just thought that... And then the refusal then to have sex was another issue entirely, I think. 36:23 But now he's... she might be trying to capture him into having a baby. We don't know the full story, obviously, right? He might have said all along he never wanted children. And now she's put this into his head where now he's afraid she wants to get pregnant and he doesn't want to have sex with her and be responsible for getting pregnant. 36:39 Is that wrong? I think it's wrong because, you know, you don't have to be deliberately withholding. 36:44 But you're only reading what you have there. He may have said to her, listen, I don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to have a baby. And she's going, but, but, but, but. So now he's kind of afraid to have sex with her. 36:54 Yeah, but he's withholding intimacy, but there are ways. I mean, he can obviously wear protection if he doesn't want her to be pregnant. 36:59 Yeah, but let's be fair to him, right? Maybe she's pushed him too hard. If she had said to him, well, look, I understand you don't want to have kids, so I'll stay in contraception. Maybe then he'd have sex with her. 37:09 Maybe that's the full story. 37:11 Listen, I think in general, everything we're discussing here about this lady, we're only hearing one side of the story, but there must be deeper relationship issues beyond that than the question of just children, you know. But I mean, there are people, there's no doubt about it, that will refuse to have any sort of intimacy with their partner unless it suits them. 37:29 Ah well, they're lost. 37:30 Children or no children, but yeah, okay. 37:31 But I suppose that kind of brings me into this one. 37:33 Would it be a deal breaker though for you? 37:35 Oh yeah. Would it? It would be a deal breaker, of course. But I mean, if one person wanted children and the other person didn't, well then it's just not compatible. It's not going to work, is it? It'll always come in the way. It'll always be there. 37:45 So no, it's a deal breaker for everybody. 37:47 It's a sad one, isn't it? 37:48 It is, yeah. 37:48 Yeah. 37:49 Because that brings down to this one, and there was a thing in the article in the paper during the week about marriage counselling. 37:53 Oh. 37:54 And I, like, you know, things like, what do you tell the counsellor? Oh, he doesn't tell me I'm beautiful anymore. Oh, she never wants to have sex. Oh, he does nothing around the house and won't pick up a sweeping brush. 38:04 I don't know why, you know, the dishwasher's been full since 2019. 38:07 I've seen you with a sweeping brush and you're very nice. 38:10 Yeah, I am very sexy with a sweeping brush, particularly when I'm naked with a sweeping brush. 38:14 I haven't seen you naked with a sweeping brush, but no, you're a tough brush. 38:19 Or he says, you know, he won't empty the dishwasher and he goes, that's not true, I did it in 2019. 38:25 When's the last time you made a bed though? 38:28 You've seen me trying to put a quilt into one of those gadgets. 38:31 God love you. 38:32 I'm literally climbing into it, trying to get it into the corners. 38:36 I actually caught an eye trying to change the bedware a couple of months ago. 38:41 You caught me trying to change it. 38:43 And God love me. It was all fingers and thumbs. The duvet cover was in a knot and I just stood there. 38:49 I was inside it, trying to get it into the corners. You do this thing where you hold on to it inside out. Flick it. 38:58 And it's just done. 38:59 Well, no, not quite as good as that, but the bigger the duvet you have, the harder it is. Okay, so here's the thing, right? Take it from corner to corner and you'd be grand. 39:07 Marriage counselling. If your marriage is fucked, and I'm sorry to use the vernacular, right? 39:13 I don't believe some lad in a house that you spoke, go and talk to, is going to fix the problem. 39:19 It might get you to iron out some of the things as to why it's in the condition it's in, but it's not going to fix it. 39:24 So you're actually referring to marriage counselling here. Yeah. I've been down this kind of road. A friend of mine told me about this before, okay? And what they did was, and I don't know whether it was a selfish thing for this guy to say or not, but him and his ex, she pleaded with him to go to marriage counselling. She really desperately wanted them to save their relationship. I don't think he felt the same way. No, he didn't. He was definitely on his way out. There's no doubt about that. He'd made his mind up. And he actually told me in confidence, right? 39:56 Now, obviously, I'm not identifying the guy, so it's grand. But he told me... His name is Mick. 40:02 Mick. 40:02 that his name is not Mick. 40:06 Just saying his name is Mick. Mick if you're listening we're talking about you. 40:09 Apologies to all you Mick's out there. 40:10 Mick we're listening we're talking about you. You and Imelda. 40:14 No, you're so cruel, honest to God. There's no Mick and there's no Imelda. But he kind of said something to me in and around the lines of, I decided to go after a batter in me to go to marriage counselling. 40:27 By the way, they weren't married. Can I just say that? Yeah, couples counselling. But they were in a long-term relationship. And he said, I decided to go. But he said, the reason why I went is so that she could actually see that we weren't compatible. where she was going hoping that they could reconcile the relationship. He was going to make a point to her because she clearly wasn't listening to him in his eyes. 40:54 No, here's the thing. You can't negotiate somebody into loving you. 40:57 I thought that was cruel though. 40:58 No, but you can't negotiate somebody into loving you. 41:01 There's no way you can go to some lad sitting in a room in somebody's front because they're normally in somebody's house, right? Yeah. And the two of you sit there and, okay, let's just talk one at a time, one at a time. 41:12 It's already over. You've stopped loving the person. You can't train somebody to love you again. 41:17 It just doesn't work. And I looked up research. I remember talking about this years ago and I did all the kind of research on marriage counselling, right? And it's just not successful. Sometimes what it does is it delays the inevitable by about six months while they try different things to make it work. 41:31 I think what you're saying is that if it goes as far as even contemplating marriage counselling, it's doomed already. 41:38 No, forget about it. All it'll do is make you temporarily happy again. And then within six months, you're back to the same boat. 41:43 You're probably destroying some people's dreams by saying that now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 41:47 But this comes back to what I said earlier on. If it's not there, it's not there anymore. It's just, you can't create love. 41:54 It's either natural, it happens. And don't get me wrong, you can change your habits to some degree. You can be a bit more... I suppose, respectful of your partner and all that kind of stuff. A lot of the time, by the way, this counselling comes down to sex. If you're not having sex and maybe one person's libido is not the best, there is medical things, intervention you can get to help that as well. 42:14 Do you not remember years ago? I mean, let's say, I don't know whether we can really use ourselves as examples here, but just as a kind of a hypothetical situation, okay? 42:25 you probably like a lot of girls they are a lot of young women they might go to their mum for advice you know and maybe a lot of guys might go to their dad let's say for advice if your dad's tend to go to their mates you know or to their mates or whatever and you know and they confide in them and then if they have an argument let's say together as a couple then the parents might intervene and say you know she really does love you you know but you know you don't ring her enough like and you never send her a message but it's not going to change But I don't think the leopard changes its spots. 42:56 No. What you might do after the counselling. 42:58 But counselling has to be good for something though. 43:01 Yeah, but you might change your habits for maybe three or four weeks or two months. But then you just slip back to the old habit again because you really haven't changed how you feel about the person. So I don't believe it. I think it's a waste of time, everybody's time, including the counsellor. 43:13 I'm going to disagree with you there because it has to be good for something because at the end of the day, if anything, it's going to establish. So maybe that guy who did confide in me a couple of years ago, maybe he was right. It'll establish to that person for once and for all, like whether they should waste any more time or not, or just, you know, move along. 43:32 No, I think it's just an expensive way of delaying the inevitable. So I'm sorry to have to say to all the people listening, if you're going for marriage counselling at the moment, it's probably just an expensive way, because they kind of charge like a hundred quid a session, of delaying the inevitable. So it is inevitably going to break up. You might seem like you're happier for a couple of months after the counselling, but it'll go back to the same way. 43:55 You sound a bit like, do you remember years ago now, people used to go out on the bus to Bray, let's say, and they deliberately go out... And get the bus out to Bray along the promenade there along the seafront to go and see these tarot readers in the little cottages there. Do you remember? And they'd be promising you everything. Do you believe those ones? Do you believe, though, the counsellors in general are a waste of money? 44:17 A complete waste of money. 44:18 Do you think that they cash in on people's vulnerabilities? 44:21 Absolutely. Sorry, counsellors out there or counsellors associations, wherever you are. Yeah, I just think it's just cashing in on vulnerable people. I think maybe there's a rare occasion that works. But getting back to these tarot card readers, right? 44:34 Yeah. 44:34 So these ones that sit down with you and they go, I see you're going to go on a trip soon. You have a mother that died. 44:42 And you know these ones that stand up on stage, right? And they're on stage. These chancers, they're complete chancers, right? They use a thing called the Barnum method, right? What's that? PJ Barnum. He was a circus man. 44:53 Oh, I remember the name. 44:54 Many, many years ago. So he came up with this method of mind reading, right? 44:58 So there's a couple of, I assume that there's a couple of bullet point. 45:02 Yeah, there's things you do. So, so here's the thing. So the guys on stage or the girl, right, who claims she's a psychic, right? And let's be clear, abundantly clear. There's no such thing as a psychic. It's bollocksology, right? And anybody, and there's going to be people listening. Oh, that's not true. I went to a girl in Blanchett's town. She told me things that no one could have known. That's not true. 45:21 And it happened. 45:22 If you had a recording of what she said to you, you will only remember the things she said to you, not what you said to her. You're actually feeding her the information. Anyway, so here's the thing. So they go on stage and they go, and there's an audience. And there's an audience there and they go... 45:37 I sense somebody beginning with the letter M is in my presence. So there's two things with the letter M, right? Most people have somebody who's died with the letter M because M would have been a very popular letter to start names, you know, for grannies. Margaret, Molly, Mary. So there's lots of those, right? Maud, they're all really old names. So everybody will have a granny or somebody that began with the letter M. I knew a Nellie once. 46:03 Nellie, yeah, Nellie, Nellie. 46:04 And then they go... 46:06 Something to do with the... And they'll point to their chest and stomach. A problem in this area here. 46:12 So that's your whole body. 46:13 So they're literally rubbing their... Yeah, and they go... And then some L woman at the back will go, That's me Auntie Molly. 46:19 She died of stomach cancer. That was her. Is she with you on the stage? And then your man is going, It's a letter L. Now, if somebody died and was coming back, right, why would they say to this person who's supposed to be like a person that passes on the messages because they get down to the dead? 46:35 Why would they go... 46:36 I'm here beside you, right? 46:38 Me sister's out in the audience. But don't tell her me name. 46:41 Just say it begins with an M. I mean, that's a shite in your life. You see, there was an era, I think, you know, where there were a couple of decades there of a certain kind of era where there were a lot of people would have been bitten by the bug of the tarot card reader and the fortune teller. But are people stupid? Nowadays, I think they just do it for fun. You know, it's only a bit of fun. They know it's a bit of light, really. 47:06 Oh, no, they don't. 47:08 No, there's still the ones out there who claim that they're like the seventh son of the seventh son of the sixth son of the sixth daughter of the sixth daughter. I don't know what they claim. And they claim they can talk to the dead. Nobody can talk to the dead. Right. And by the way, if there's people listening on, ah, no, they're talking to your whole, I know a woman up in Tala and she does readings and she's reading brilliant. Right. Send her to me. Tell her to contact me. I'll put a challenge out. And there's already, there's a guy called Randy something or other. He was American. And he put a challenge out for a million dollars. 47:39 Oh, wow. 47:39 to anybody, any tarot card reader who could tell him something that nobody else could have known and nobody has ever taken the challenge because it doesn't exist. It's not real and it's nonsense. And that's why it's banned now from the media. 47:52 I mean, and you as a public figure, of course, I think you put this challenge out on air a couple of years ago. Many times. Didn't you? Many times. 47:59 But the problem, see, with me is because I've been a public figure for the last 30 years, there's so much stuff out there that I probably don't even remember that people know about me. 48:07 But if someone could just contact you and tell you something that there's absolutely no one, not even me, knows. 48:13 Yeah. 48:14 Okay? Yeah. 48:17 I could be that person. Yeah. I could win the million pounds. 48:19 Ah, no. 48:21 There's nobody can talk to the dead. Nobody can talk to the dead. It's just, it's not a possibility. And there's nobody that can read the future. You can't, you make your own future. 48:32 This idea, oh, it's your destiny. 48:35 I don't believe that. 48:36 Every day you make decisions, it changes your future. You have a new future. Every decision you make, us even spending the time doing this right now, creates a new future. 48:45 Yeah. 48:46 So every decision you make creates, like Marvel and the kind of parallel universes. 48:51 Those parallel universes are very interesting. And I think you actually believe in this. 48:56 Well, no, I don't believe in Marvel, obviously. 48:58 It's fictional. Just to let everybody know what it is, it's kind of like, okay, you've got this life. You're sitting here, you're in the studio, we're facing each other at the moment in the studio, and it's a glorious evening. The sun is literally splitting the trees, and it's lovely and mild. It's just lovely and whatever. But somewhere... kind of next door, let's say, outside of this studio, there's another studio with another Niall and Karen doing something slightly different. Doing something slightly different, yeah. 49:30 Similarities, maybe. 49:31 Yeah, parallel. They call it parallel universes. 49:33 Yeah, but the outcomes are totally different. 49:35 I don't necessarily know whether that... Whether that's true, right? Or whether they're happening simultaneously. 49:40 There's too many movies we're watching. 49:42 Well, that would be infinite then because throughout your life you make so many decisions, right? But every decision you make changes your future. Every decision. So if you didn't make that decision, right? Let's say, for example, right? 49:55 We finish this and we go in and we have a bit of dinner. Or let's say we decide, Asher, we're not that hungry, we won't have our dinner. So they're two different decisions. They will then have a knock-on effect. We'll go to bed a little bit later because we're going to stay up and have dinner. Or we won't watch a movie later on, so we go to bed a little bit later. And then we get up a little bit later in the morning, so we'll be rushed a little bit. We'll make a decision based on what guests we might have on for the show, you know, tomorrow. So every decision you make changes all future decisions. 50:21 So it all has. and impact and then there's another way of looking at it too and you and I have been down this road before where you know something that we may have done and then something influenced us to change our mind very suddenly and we were actually very grateful because had we have done the first thing we may have been hit by a car or something like that Jesus do you remember you're going full out doomsday there now it's a fact though 50:46 Oh yeah, but you can. You could be hit by a bus. Does fate exist? Even simple, I remember saying this before, even a simple thing like picking up a pen. 50:54 That picking up a pen took two seconds. That's two seconds longer this podcast will go on. That's two seconds longer I will walk back out the door. And that two seconds could make the difference of you walking across the road in front of a car. So what I'm saying is, I know that's the extreme. 51:10 Psychics, they haven't a clue. You cannot tell somebody what's in their future. 51:14 But they're making a lot of money. Okay, you know what they are? 51:17 They're clever people. 51:18 A lot of them are clever. I think they are very clever. What they've done is they've condensed into... 51:23 They're thieves as well, by the way. They're stealing people's money. 51:28 And you know, there's an argument. They didn't ask you to come in. 51:31 No, but here's the argument, right? Let me just say something, right? 51:35 But I remember them queuing up outside the door for these places in the likes of Bray. There was a cottage there years ago. It's probably still there on the seafront on the promenade of Bray. And there used to be queues down the road. 51:47 sure there was yeah and I mean because they all thought she was real or he was real I do agree with you they are very clever because what they've managed to do is condense in a couple of little bullet points something that applies to absolutely every human on the planet and they know that they can suck in with this but here's what somebody said to me once just finally in relation to this okay yeah but Sherlock if it makes somebody feel better so say Mary who's lost her husband or her son 52:12 And she feels better after going to some chancer who tells her that he's talking to her husband. 52:17 Oh, your husband is here with me now. He says, don't forget to get the door painted and make sure you keep cutting the grass at the back garden. 52:22 And she's going, oh, he loved getting the door painted. Right. And she walks away feeling happier from that experience. People say, well, isn't it worth the 50 quid? 52:32 That's not really right to say that. 52:35 But it made her feel better. 52:36 But it doesn't matter. You know, if she gave me 50 quid, I'll tell her a joke. It'll make her feel better. He's conning her. Or she's conning. They're conning people. I think it's wrong. I think it should be illegal. There's no proof these people can do it. There's actually no evidence whatsoever these people can do what they claim to do. It's false advertising. Well, it's a false advertising. Any other business, you would not be able to advertise to people. They're advertising they talk to dead people. 53:02 Like, I can't make a false claim for a service. 53:04 They get away with it more in America than they would, I think, here. But speaking about painting doors and things like that, I was speaking to somebody the other day who gave me a call. 53:15 And they were telling me that they had just painted their fence, but not in the most conventional of ways. 53:23 No. 53:24 Yeah. So wait until I tell you the story, right? They're a cheapskate club. Let me tell you. Okay, okay. Right, so this person, and I was just gobsmacked at this, they painted their fence, if you want to use the expression paint, with old engine oil. 53:41 Yeah. 53:41 They added diesel to lighten it. Now, that's actually illegal, if I'm not mistaken. 53:48 Not to mention very bad for the environment, right? 53:51 Forget it. Since when did you start caring about carbon emissions and all that? 53:56 I'm not talking about the carbon emissions. I'm just saying that this is just a fact. I mean, I'm nearly sure that it's actually illegal to do this, right? 54:02 It probably is, yeah. 54:03 But this did not stop this person from doing it, okay? Now, it's an old trick that some people used to use decades ago, you know, but I don't think I'd recommend it now. No. But I was kind of blown away because this is for like an untreated wooden fence, let's say. All right. So. 54:19 Yeah, but here's the thing, right. To be fair to the person, right. Now, I don't recommend people do it because firstly, it doesn't dry. 54:26 I was blown away. 54:27 But it doesn't dry and everything sticks to it, dust sticks to it and everything else. It does actually work. Yucky looking. But it does make the wood waterproof, right. And it doesn't rot as quickly and all that kind of stuff. But here's the thing. I have to agree with the person in one sense. See all these products, like Ron Seal and all, and what's it, Duck, what's the other one? Duck Back. 54:45 Duck Back and Sadler. 54:47 Yeah, so we've got a fence, right, out the back, a big fence we paint on a regular basis, right? And it'll say on the tin, guaranteed five years and a picture of rain bashing off a fence. Yeah. It's like one year you get out of it if you're lucky. 55:00 I'll tell you what, right? It does depend. Okay, you get what you pay for. And I've always said, if you buy cheap, you buy twice. Now, I'm not referring to those particular products because some of them are really, really good. But I think the trick that most people forget about doing when they go to paint or stain a fence or paint a door, they forget to stir the paint properly. I have to stir it because all the goodness is down the end. 55:22 The goodness. 55:23 Yeah. All the goodness, all the oil, whatever it is that's inside it. Or maybe it's a water-based thing. 55:29 No, a water-based won't work. You'd have to use oil-based, right? Otherwise, that's why oil works. But your man with his oil, he's obviously cheap. He's a cheapskate. 55:39 Oh, he's a cheapskate. He is a cheapskate. You don't know the half of it. He's a cheapskate, all right. 55:44 Right, he's a cheapskate. 55:45 I hope he listens to this. 55:46 Yeah, we've established he's a cheapskate. And the problem for him is it doesn't dry and every bit of dust will stick to it. 55:54 I actually said to him on the phone, is that not like a fire hazard? 55:57 Of course it's a fire hazard. 55:59 You're looking at 28 degrees outside at the minute, you know. 56:03 Can you imagine your friends just go up in flames? 56:05 Yeah, of course it's a far hazard. He's a cheapskate. He's a looper. He is a looper. And a cheapskate. 56:12 And a cheapskate. Anyway, listen, we've got to wrap it up. 56:17 I've got a little short one for you. Go on, go on. Go on, yeah. Okay, so this is a little story I just happened to see. Now, we've managed to avoid the press, I think, with the exception of the guy, God bless him, and I hope... Did we get sucked out the plane? The guy got sucked out the plane, yeah. 56:30 What a way to get sucked. 56:32 Anyway, right, so this person went into a car booth sale somewhere in England and they bought a ring for a fiver in this car booth sale, okay? And it turned out that this ring, this diamond ring, was actually a real stone and it was worth 3,000 times what she paid for it. So that's a nice find if you find it. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever bought something? No, I wish. You know... 56:55 I wish. I wish I bought something. I do watch those programs. You know those where they bring the... Oh, like the Antiques Roadshow. 57:02 Antiques Roadshow. 57:03 That's the one, yeah. I couldn't think of the names. And I do watch them and this one brings like a little vase that's in bits. 57:08 And it looks like as if you wouldn't throw... A granny gave it to her. 57:11 It's been in the attic, you know. And there was one there one day and they had the vase on like a stand podium thing. And your man says to her, he says, this is a such and such vase made by such and such in the Ming Dynasty something or other. He says, do you have any idea how much it's worth? And she says, I was thinking maybe six or seven hundred. And he said, no. 57:30 He said, it's worth about a half a million. 57:31 Oh my God. 57:32 And I nearly died. 57:33 And you could see the audience all, I want a Ming Vaz. 57:36 I was praying, me being a bad person, I was watching it, I was praying it was going to fall off the podium at that particular point. Can you imagine? Anyway, listen, thank you to everybody very much for joining us, by the way. 57:47 Don't forget to tune in again next week. This is a weekly podcast. Once a week, myself, Niall Boylan and Karen Boylan and thank you, darling. 57:55 What did I say? Don't call me darling.